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Lady
Alistair raced to open the door when she heard the doorbell ring hoping
it was her savage playboy, Mongo, but it was only a boring salesman. "Good-day
Ma'am, would you like to join our Accidental Death And Dismemberment Plan?"
the salesman said with a winning smile. "Sorry young man, but I already
have an insurance policy, thank you." sneered Lady Alistair closing the
door. "But this is different!" exclaimed the salesman blocking the door
with his foot, "This policy insures that one day you will suffer an accidental
death or become dismembered." "Oh? And how does that work?" asked Lady
Alistair opening the door a little more. "You see, if you fill out our
Accidental Death And Dismemberment Enrollment Form and if you qualify
we guarantee that you will meet with a very unpleasant accident arranged
by one of our courteous staff employees." "Oh, I'm sure it would be too
expensive. Would you like some tea?" asked Lady Alistair inviting the
salesman into the parlor. "Yes, Thank you," he said sitting down and accepting
the tea. "And so you would think it would, but by special government sub-funding
because of the current population explosion we can eviscerate you at quite
a reasonable rate. You pay nothing now, you need only to change your will
so that the Accidental Death And Dismemberment Company receives your entire
estate." "So that means none of my miserable relatives can get a dime
of my money after I'm gone, how wonderful!" "Also, Accidental Death And
Dismemberment arranges for the funeral. You will find no other company
with such a complete policy." "Well, it is most tempting. It's good to
have some certainty in this uncertain world." "Yes, of course it is. We
like to think of this policy being not so much as insurance but assurance."
"Well, you've sold me." said Lady Alistair brightly. "Just fill out this
form and I'll have it processed right away and then we'll get back to
you." the salesman pulled out the necessary papers and winked. "I hope
I won't regret this," Lady Alistair said in a warning tone after she had
finished filling out the papers, "Because that would be just too bad,
wouldn't it? Ha ha ha!" "Yes it certainly would!" the salesman replied
laughing at Lady Alistair's witty joke. He took the completed papers and
Lady Alistair showed him to the door. "Now, where was I?" thought Lady
Alistair after the salesman had left, "Oh yes, Mongo! I shall have to
give him a ring and tell him all about that wonderful company. I'm sure
he'd like it, but first I'll call the lawyer and have my will changed
immediately like that nice salesman told me to." After Lady Alistair had
gotten the business with the will done, she went back to the phone and
dialed Mongo's number. She put a cigarette in her mouth and lit a match.
The house exploded because the match ignited the gas that was leaking
inside. "Good-by old bat!" the salesman said hefting his briefcase and
skipping down the road, whistling a happy tune. |
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