Upon his favorite mule singing his song (I'm a wan'ering minstrel of some note, I wrote a good quote so here I gloat, tra la la la la la la etc.), Sweet Caradoc was on his way to woo his honey, the fair Lady Crumpet, when he a-spied something far a-field. "Ah!" he exclaimed, though the ejaculation had a veiled meaning (So I'm told). Low and behold there on the far horizon was the fair Lady Crumpet tied to the train tracks "Help! Oh help I say!" the Lady Crumpet cried weakly (Perhaps she would have been slightly more enthusiastic had they been real train tracks). Seeing his love in serious peril in the distance, Sweet Caradoc gave a hearty kick to his mule which gave him a hearty kick right back. Sweet Caradoc was therefore unconscious for perhaps a minute and a half during which time he did nothing but lay still and give the situation grave thought, this was not to be as easy as he had first been expecting. A train whistle in the distance brought him out of his reminiscence and into the realization of the immediacy of the situation. Acting spontaneously he left his trusty ass behind and continued on foot. The Lady Crumpet by this time realizing that the tracks she was tied to were, in fact, real train tracks began to raise quite a considerable fuss. Sweet Caradoc hesitated shocked by the extent of his maiden's vocabulary. It was necessary for him to swim across the freezing, rain swollen river that lay betwix him and Crumpet and on gaining the opposite bank he was attacked by Mongol hordes and had nothing but a butterfly net with which to defend himself. Sweet Caradoc vanquished the hordes with ease as they were only imaginary Mongols (This was a low budget affair), and faced down the villain of the piece, who was also imaginary. Lady Crumpet was at this time very annoyed with the slowness of the rescue operation, so she struggled out of her bonds and went to town for some brunch knowing Caradoc would be along after he had finished rescuing her. There was a very expensive moral to this story but it was lost along with the budget and the plot.