It was a dark and foggy night. Hardy Bangor, a private dick, had lit another cigarette. He was staking out Loopi's Joy Shop. A shapely blonde had entered his office that morning while he was suffering from a massive hangover and told him that her husband was missing and she needed help finding him. For various half explained reasons she couldn't go to the police, she didn't trust them. The husband's trail was easy to follow, too easy, and Hardy had traced him here to Loopi's. "Hello sailor." Said a passing drunk. Hardy ignored him. "Hello sailor." Said another passing drunk. Hardy ignored him too. "Hello sailor." Said yet another passing drunk. "Oh my God!" Thought Hardy, "They're all around me!" The drunks started to close in and Hardy screamed and fainted. He awoke in a dingy back room of the Joy shop with the sickish smell of opium in his nostrils. The ominous form of Loopi was standing over him. "Why you spy on me Haldy? You think you suplize me?" Boomed the nasty oriental. A dandy was sitting on a crate in the corner. He fixed Hardy with an unnerving stare. "Hello sailor." Said the dandy casually. Hardy was completely unnerved. "Why you spy on me?" Asked Loopi again. "No reason!" Hardy lied. "I no like it when you spy on me! No spy on me Haldy. I get mad!" Loopi had grabbed Hardy by the lapels of his overcoat and was shaking vigorously. Spittle was flinging in his face. "YOU NO WANT ME MAD HALDY! I get vely, vely mad! MAD, HALDY, MAD! No spy on me Haldy!" Loopi let go letting Hardy flop to the floor. He gave Hardy one last long evil glance then left the room. Hardy picked himself up and brushed the sawdust off his coat "See ya later, sailor boy." The dandy said, winking as Hardy left the room. There was no sign of either Loopi or the mysterious blonde's husband in the filthy bar, so Hardy called it a night and returned home for a long deserved rest. After his shower there was a knock on the door and Hardy opened it just in time to see a dark figure disappear around the corner. On the floor between his dripping feet was an envelope. The note inside said 'Don't meet me at Bishop's Gate, I have the fairy cake. The wedding will be at 2:00 P.M., Wednesday. The bride has a mustache. Don't read this letter, I have another. 'Love always, 'The Dark Figure "The bride has a mustache?" thought Hardy, "Very telling information indeed. Yes, there's certainly something fishy in Denmark." In the morning Hardy called his friend in Scotland Yard, Inspector Wanker. So I presume you don't know that Loopi was found floating by the wharf this morning?" Asked Wanker after Hardy had told him about his adventures the day before "What Loopi's dead?" Hardy asked shocked. "Sorry Hardy, have to go. I'll call you later." Hardy spent the rest of the day with the mystery spinning around his head. After dark he decided to return to the Joy Shop. Inspector Wanker never called back. The Joy Shop was open despite the death of its proprietor Inside he saw a man who could have been the mysterious blonde's brother. He was going to investigate when he caught sight of the dandy who had been sitting on the create in the back room. He tried to follow, but a large man with an Australian accent leaped up and shouted, "Who likes a sailor, then?" Causing Hardy to loose sight of the dandy. He tried to get in touch with Inspector Wanker but couldn't find him. No one apparently had seem him since the morning. "Curiouser and curiouser." Thought Hardy. The next day Hardy got a call from Chief Inspector Gobbers. "I want you down here." Said Gobbers giving Hardy the address of an apartment in a slum district, "There's something here you should see." When Hardy got there Chief Inspector Gobbers solemnly showed him into a dark, smelly room. Hardy couldn't get over the felling that he was being followed. He could detect the faint smell of cheap perfume. He gasped when he saw what was in the room. Half on the stained mattress of a brass bed and half off was the corpse of Inspector Wanker dressed in drag, complete with wig, falsies, and fishnet stockings. "what do you know about this?" Asked Chief Inspector Gobbers. "As far as I know, he was as straight as an arrow." Answered Hardy in a daze. "That's not what I meant!" Said Gobbers, Bopping Hardy on the back of the head. After telling Gobbers everything he knew and promising to get in contact with him if anything new came up, Hardy left the apartment and reached into his pocket for a fag. He found instead another note that someone had managed to stuff in his coat somehow without his knowing it. This one said: 'Knicknack paddywack, give the dog a bone.' Hardy broke out into a cold sweat. He was wondering if he'd be able to come out of this one alive. Nothing happened to Hardy until the next morning when he picked up a copy of the paper on his way to the office. He read the headline over and over but he still couldn't believe it Chief Inspector Gobbers apparently had taken a nose-dive off the top of a twenty story building during the night. Witnesses claim to have heard him whistling 'God Save The Queen' as he fell. The mysterious blonde had vanished. Hardy couldn't find her anywhere. Her address and number had been phony. There was nothing left for Hardy to do but return to the Joy Shop. It was his only lead. The Joy Shop was ominously dark and quiet this time of day. Hardy picked the lock and went in, making his way to the back room where Loopi had him that first night. He played his torch around the walls and kicked at the sawdust. Hardy was at a loss. The clues lead nowhere. Suddenly, his sharp eyes noticed something. He moved the crate the dandy had been sitting on and found a trap door. He opened it and looked into the unfathomable darkness. "Gawd that looks deep." Hardy said bending over to get a closer look. A boot from behind shoved Hardy's vulnerable posterior as a voice said, "See ya later sailor boy." Hardy fell into the darkness, down . . .down . . . down . . . Continued here. . .