Toodles, the Whore of Babylon

"Hell's bells!" Toodles had roared one summer when irate citizens had strung her up by her toes, "I'm sorry about last night. It wasn't my fault, you know, I tried everything I knew. Lots of guys get that problem every now and again." She cried to the Mayor. The Mayor was so embarrassed he turned into a toad, croaked, hopped away, and hid under someone's porch where he was found and eaten later by his dog. So much for man's best friend. The townspeople let Toodles down eventually. No one can stay pissed at her for every long despite her bad manners. She was the product of a broken home after all. Feelings were still bad in town though, so she hot-footed out of there as quickly as possible, hitching a lift with a known mass murderer. "I wouldn't fuck you in a clown suit!" Toodles protested when he made a rude pass at her. "The lady doth protest too much." The murderer said as he dumped her unceremoniously in the middle of the desert. "See where having a moral or two gets you." Toodles commented, and just as she was thinking of the nearest and best casino hotel to walk to, she was kidnaped by aliens. Toodles was found several days later completely exhausted on the roof of a farmer's house. Plagued by the media her only comment was: "E-boptE-bobbitty-woo-woo!"Toodles later privately revealed what had happened to her to the kindly farmer who rescued her from the roof. "EEEEEEHHHHAAAAAAA WWWWWW EEEEEEEE!" Was the farmers response which was heard for a mile around. I guess you had to be there. Over all it was a dull summer as not even one cat had a hairball in anyone's shoes. The following winter was far more exciting because Toodles was found having an affair with Donald Duck and seven aesthetic poets. Toodles never did have any taste.